Yes i know i havent been blogging in a while.. about a month maybe? ive been way to pre-occupied lately.. its not even supposed to happen like that.. im supposed to be more laid back this year.. its form 4 for goodness sake. sigh. but i guess im not the only one.. everyone else is busy with spm etc. lately i've realised how much i need God in my life.. and i know some people may question and judge my opinions about everything having a divine purpose. ive experienced life with God and without Him *without meaning not having a good relationship with him and this has been happening on and off* and i can truly see what big a difference it can make. ive noticed the times when ive drifted apart from Him and how torn apart my life became.. ive even noticed how much of anger, resentment and bitterness ive harboured in myself throughout the past month.. and since i havent been able to express it to anyone, its just been building up.. not that i dont want to.. but for the first time, i just dont know how. there are like a million things running through my mind right now and i dont seem to be able to let it out.. the people around me on the other hand arent making it any easier for me.. i just dont understand how some people can be so inconsiderate, selfish and oblivious.. *i understand that other people have problems too but hey this is my blog so i guess im entitled to ramble about mine instead of theirs* i just dont get it. my whole life is an act. theres so much that my friends dont know about me, my family, what i go through everyday. i look and seem cheerful all the time but who knows whats really inside of me? i doubt even a handful understand me, or anyone for that matter. at this point, i dont feel like i can trust anyone. i feel like im forced to face it alone eventhough i dont want to.
* I had a bad day and thats as far as i could get.. i just might regret publishing this but
Saturday, July 30, 2005
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