I think too much

Why is it that everytime you think something good or even great is going to happen it never happens? It seems like God gives you that little bit of hope just to make you feel better for a minute and then takes it away in a split second. Then you just end up where you first began. The same person that you are except that you feel like something's missing. Its sad and painful when something like that happens and when you know you did nothing wrong. No one is there to tell you why.

I'm getting tired of thinking of a title. Haha.

I hate being e-m-o. Its not good and you're always perceived as weird. Can people actually change? I mean you're supposed to be yourself, but what if being who you are, thinking the things that you think is just not right? Well actually who can tell what's right and what's wrong anyway? Wouldn't it be perfect if there were someone who could just answer all of mankind's burning questions about the oh-so-mysterious world that we live in? Afterall, they always say there's a reason behind everything that happens. Hmm, then again.. what you find out may not be what you've been expecting.. so maybe's there's a reason we're not supposed to understand the things that happen around us. Human behaviour can be so complicated and intriguing.

I wonder what it would be like if we knew everything.
Pretty boring I would say. Haha =)

What a pointless post.

Birthdays and wishes

You know how everytime its your birthday and you make a wish while you blow off the candles on you're cake? (Well that's if you have a cake =P) Then people always say that you should never ever tell anyone what you wished for 'cos then it won't come true. Obviously i can't remember what I've wished for in the past.. I can only remember what it was last year and this year. I'm not trying to be negative/emo or anything but it didn't really come true last year.. I don't think it came true in the previous years either. The strange thing is that I think I've wished for the same thing a couple of times. So this year it was a different wish. What do you think are the odds of it coming true? Not very high eh? Hehe. So I ask myself this, why do we bother sometimes? Unless of course there's someone out there who's wishes have come true. Let me know yeah? ;)

Hmm.. I wonder who was the genius who came up with this whole wishing idea..

Just so you know

I think baskin robbins decided not to produce winter white chocolate anymore.. There goes my favourite flavour =(

And I just found out that natalie (which is my confirmation name in case ur wondering why I'm talking about the name lol) means birth haha.

?

Have you ever felt so many mixed emotions at one point of time that you become so confused you don't even know where to begin in the first place? You probably don't even understand the question I just asked right? Hehe. It's just a confusing expression of my feelings =)

A Random Note to Myself

I found a note I wrote to myself quite sometime ago that I got off somewhere while I was doing a bit of tidying up. Figured maybe I should post it up since well, I've got nothing else to post up haha.

*If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

During happy moments, praise God.
During difficult moments, seek God.
During quiet moments, worship God.
During painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.

Now I realise why I actually took the time to write down something like this. Its a reminder that pops up unexpectedly at exactly the right moment. I think whoever who's reading this will agree with me on how mysterious life can be. How eventhough we all have to go through the rough times, there will always be things that happen out of the blue that make you somewhat happy even if it is only for a short while. Happy or sad moments don't last for long but I think we should be very grateful for the happy moments and learn how to move on when they're over.

The new year

The only time wasted is the time spent thinking you're alone. 2007 is nearing and I'm going to make a promise to myself to change for the better. Live it to its fullest and appreciate the time i have with those around me before its too late. You can't turn back time or undo what you've done but you can live in the moment and make your life happier and more fulfilling. Only you can determine what you want your life to be.

Loneliness

The feeling you get when no one is around to listen. You're surrounded by tonnes of people yet that feeling creeps inside of you. You have what most people don't, yet you fret about what you don't have. You should be grateful yet you never are. Thats human nature. Never satisfied. So should we feel guilty about it or not? Saying no would just mean you're not being honest with yourself. How are we supposed to act? Are you supposed to do the right thing and not complain about it only to find it's not you to surpress your feelings? Either way it ends up the same. Putting on a fake smile everyday or acting sad and depressed both don't work. Somehow you end up stuck anyway.

Loss

Different people deal with loss in their lives differently. It amazes me how humans can be so strong when put in such situations. Honestly, without divine intervention, i don't think it would be possible. Yes, i know some may disagree but that's just my opinion. Obviously not everyone is the same.. we all have different tolerance levels. Some crack easily and give in but some persevere. I guess its because some hold on to that hope. When there is hope there is faith. When there is faith there can be miracles. It's worth fighting to survive when obstacles come in the way if you believe that something better is yet to come. Sometimes staying positive and holding on to that belief is the most important thing in any situation.

No title?

Just when you think that things couldn't get any worse it does. And the worse part is that there's no one there to catch you when you fall. So what do you do? How do you stay strong?

A very random post

People are never what they seem to be. You may think that someone is happy from how they act everyday but what do you know? For all you know, they might be going through a really difficult time. Someone may seem superficial but deep down they can be the nicest people you'll ever know. I suppose everyone has another side to them that they're afraid to show for fear they will be seen differently. I guess sometimes we're too quick to judge someone. And also too ignorant to care about those around us. We forget that our friends have feelings and also a sensitive side to them no matter how tough they may seem. Everybody's too caught up in their own affairs that they tend to forget about everything else. It's always me, me and me. Sigh. I feel bad for those who don't have anyone to talk to when they're down or upset. I feel the need to be more kind with other people and to gossip less. But somehow i can't help it. I try and try and try but it never seems to come through. Anyway, people just arent very caring anymore nowadays and its sad to see something like that happen. What are we turning into?

Fake

The world is made out of fakers. There is not one single person out there who isn’t fake. No matter how nice or bad they seem to be, there is always a slight portrayal of fakeness. It’s just a matter of how nice or bad. People do things that they themselves know would never do out of fear that they might get rejected. They fake their personalities and characters to feel accepted and in order to feel superior to others. Those who notice this trait and then decide to press on it is just considered prideful. Why is it that not one human being in this world can just be themselves and look past other peoples’ insecurities? We all have our own insecurities yet we seem to feel comfortable about judging others about it. That in my opinion is another act of insecurity. What ever happened to speaking your mind? To being well YOU? Individuality is such a rare thing nowadays. You’d be very lucky to bump into someone who has even a hint of that quality.

*I'm in a foul mood. Example of fakeness: crying to draw sympathy etc. So yes I admit, I am prideful.

Change

It just seems like everyone's leaving these days.. first it was Sang, then Vannie, recently Dharma and after that Darrel. pretty soon everyone's going to be out of the country. ugh, its just not nice when everything starts to change. yeah, yeah.. deal with it everyone will say. and they also say its not easy but you have to blablabla. there's just so much pressure and i know its neverending.. until you die of course.. hehe. time goes by so quickly. i remember when Sang told me that she was going to Aussie to study last year. i was like "what the $#&^%$?!" it was just so sad. i thought we were going to go through form 4 and form 5 together and sit for the SPM examination together and everything. she comes back during the holidays at least twice a year.. and its been a week since she went back to Aussie. i just miss having her around.. we go out so often when she comes back and it feels so nice to have her there. i can talk to her about anything and she understands me so well. i dont know how she does it but she's just always there and somehow just gets me. she's just wonderful and makes everyone smile when they're around her and i'm sure all her other friends would agree. so Sang this will sort of be my plane letter to you. i wanna let you know that you are just one of the best friends that i could ever have and i can only hope that we'll stay friends. i know its not a 5 page thing but good enough i hope? hehe. (if i were to write a real letter it would take me a few hours ;) ) so i guess i'm just going to deal with all the new things that are happening and make the best possible decisions. also, i desperately need to learn to love God and love the other people around me. because that is what life is all about. (quoted from Purpose Driven Life)

The new year!

HAPPY 2006 EVERYONE! Last night was one of the best nights ive ever had! =D this was the first time i actually had fun during new years eve. i spent it with my besties and my seniors. we had dinner and did the countdown at the curve. we even had our little snow war thingie with the spry cans like what helena said :) the music came on after that and we were all dancing and having fun. it was awesome. we left after a while and went to get supper. i had a great night and im so grateful for everyone's company. i suddenly feel stupid for putting up my past entries. i guess those were just my rough times and we all have to go through them. right now, im just going to treasure and make the best of all the relationships that i have formed. at the same time, be more open to new ones. 2006 is going to be very different and i pray that i'll be able to learn from my past mistakes. just to be a happier and more positive person from now on :)

* God is Great.

The end of the year

You wouldnt believe the amount of things that's been running through my mind these past two days. i couldnt even sleep well. it was just Christmas the other day and i was all cheery. should have known better than to believe that it would actually last because things change just like that. the new year isnt even here yet and i already have such a negative impression. my seniors wont be around anymore.. it'll just be the stupid school and the form that i hate being in. cant you just feel the emo-ness already? LoL. yeah, this is time where everyone reflects.. what they have and havent done. i for one realised how much i regretted something that i did, or rather didnt do. and it was over a year ago.. how slow can i be eh? i feel like crying when i think about it. ive never got over him afterall.. all i did was put him at the back of my mind and just avoid it. but its too late now anyway.. so all thats left to do is to just permanently forget. my new years resolution is to make a promise to myself to never let something like that slip away ever again. to take chances with people because if you dont you'll just end up drowning yourself in regret. to not be afraid of situations and learn to trust those around me. i really have to be more independent. i guess these are some of the weaknesses that i only just found out about. is it a little too early to bid farewell to the year 2005? oh well.. hehe. goodbye to all my regrets! goodbye to the best seniors i ever had! (im really gonna miss having you guys around school.. keep in touch!) i love you guys! GoodBye 2005!

* I feel a lot better after thinking things through and hopefully i'll mature after everything that's happened this year. so feel free to comment people! thats if ur still reading haha. :)

People

Its been freakin long since my last update. i feel i owe it to myself to update this blog once in a while. these past few months has been.. awesome i would say :) ive been having so much fun that ive been completely oblivious to the people and the things that are happening around me. i know this is weird but, it feels like a really selfish act. seems like i used to care so much, too much maybe and now i dont. so lately ive met alot of new people yeah.. and i cant help but judging this new set of people that ive met. old friendships die.. and new ones are formed. they're the same people of course.. but it feels different because i dont trust them? im not sure if its even called trust but its just different. like its just a lie and everything's fake. yeah so what if you talk to them all the time? it just feels like empty and hollow conversations. although i know that i should be very grateful for those who listen.. i feel like a burden to them cos its always one sided. it feels like "why the hell would i wanna listen to your stupid problems?" is all this supposed to be normal? i dont think that im the greatest listener or greatest friend in the world for that matter. but right now i dont believe that there is a genuine individual out there. i think we are all really fake people who pretend to be something that we're not just the please everyone, one way or another. including myself. we only see it in other people but we dont realise that we too act that way. it just seems more prominent in some. human beings just cant be trusted and are just too self absorbed to care about anything else but themselves. i guess the only one you can trust is God.

* Hopefully there's someone reading this then. happy commenting.

Confused

Its been a rather though week.. and if it hadnt be a certain someone who was there i don't think i would have made it. thanks. though, its odd that people can just appear out of nowhere and at the time you need them the most.. but at the same time is not there is not always there for you.. people that you've long forgotten and put aside. its so confusing.. everything's a blur.. they can just appear and then disappear before you know it. and i'm still searching for an answer.. i just can't seem to put my finger on it with certain people.. how their mind works, so mysterious is many ways. i cant let go of it.. as much as i dislike this person for being what he is.. i need to know why. sounds stupid i know.. but its hard to find someone that you can connect with on that level. things just have to be so hard and complicated.. i guess thats life eh? i'm frankly quite sure that he's gonna disappear again. typical. waiting is just too useless and disappointing. so whats the point? anyway moving on, i've been working at aquaria klcc and its such a nice place to work at.. hehe.. the place is awesome, the people are friendly, the wages are reasonable.. what more could you want eh? *though my feet will hurt like hell at the end of the day lol* hmm.. what people say is true.. so much can change in such a short period of time.. you'll never know when it'll hit you.

*Leave me some comments if you like.. appreciate it :)

Trust [Plagiarized]

Forgive me for plagiarism but this was just too interesting to pass up. i came across this at my friend, vannie's blog and i cant express enough how true it is. Just read it.. there's just so much truth in it.

"you see, trust is something priceless..it cannot be obtained through any other method other than EARNING it.be it by the way you treat a person, the duration of your relationship with a person or the simple chemistry between two individuals. hence, the value of owning a person's trust is plainly priceless, without question. trust is such a complex thing that it comes hand-in-hand with respect. no one, i repeat, NO ONE , has the authority to ,misuse a person's trust. it is a very VERY dishonest thing to do. doesn't the phrase 'basic human decency' even mean the tiniest thing to anyone nowadays? come on, we are all one leap away to reaching our adulthood. we're old enough to understand that our actions have their repercussions. what is worse is that if our decisions happen to hurt the people/person whom you supposedly care about. do not be a hypocrite. please, do not say that you hold a person up on a pedestal apart from others and then vandalize the foundation of trust that you both so tediously built over time. this matter is not one big joke. people's feelings do get hurt and they hurt bad. emotions invested get stamped on over one rather childish act . they leave people feeling very silly, naiive and used . why do that? why choose to do something so mean ? why spoil something with the potential of giving you timeless memories? relationships are fragile and should be treasured with nothing but utmost respect and dignity , MUTUALLY ! now, too bad we don't have a time machine ,huh?"

I've been through this.. and i know exactly how it feels to be in that sort of position. its really not very nice to misuse someone else's trust. cos once you do that, you'll have a very tough time getting it back. and well of course, you'll never know the amount of damage you've caused to that person. very hurting personally.

I'm back..

Yes i know i havent been blogging in a while.. about a month maybe? ive been way to pre-occupied lately.. its not even supposed to happen like that.. im supposed to be more laid back this year.. its form 4 for goodness sake. sigh. but i guess im not the only one.. everyone else is busy with spm etc. lately i've realised how much i need God in my life.. and i know some people may question and judge my opinions about everything having a divine purpose. ive experienced life with God and without Him *without meaning not having a good relationship with him and this has been happening on and off* and i can truly see what big a difference it can make. ive noticed the times when ive drifted apart from Him and how torn apart my life became.. ive even noticed how much of anger, resentment and bitterness ive harboured in myself throughout the past month.. and since i havent been able to express it to anyone, its just been building up.. not that i dont want to.. but for the first time, i just dont know how. there are like a million things running through my mind right now and i dont seem to be able to let it out.. the people around me on the other hand arent making it any easier for me.. i just dont understand how some people can be so inconsiderate, selfish and oblivious.. *i understand that other people have problems too but hey this is my blog so i guess im entitled to ramble about mine instead of theirs* i just dont get it. my whole life is an act. theres so much that my friends dont know about me, my family, what i go through everyday. i look and seem cheerful all the time but who knows whats really inside of me? i doubt even a handful understand me, or anyone for that matter. at this point, i dont feel like i can trust anyone. i feel like im forced to face it alone eventhough i dont want to.

* I had a bad day and thats as far as i could get.. i just might regret publishing this but

Dating issues.. who would have thought?

Well its been ages since i last updated my blog.. somehow i havent had much to blog about.. its been a busy 2 weeks of holidays. hardly felt like one actually.. its been so hectic till i think i hardly have time to even ponder or daydream much lately. Hmm.. well there is this one thing that got me to thinking. what do you guys think about people from other races dating a malay? i mean, is it really wrong to do so? then there's that whole issue about converting if you ever get married and so on and so forth. its just dating.. will it really get that serious to the point where you have to convert? you have to admit, there are parents that are totally against dating malays.. saying how it may get serious and you shouldn't get urself into it.. stressing on the whole conversion hoo-haa. you never know how serious it can get right.. so are you supposed to just totally stay away from it? or go into a relationship thinking that it would be absolutely impossible for you to ever convert?

* First of all, no offense is meant to any malays out there! i'm merely voicing out my opinions and questions. comments please! :)