In a knot

Something about reading someone else's blog that's so interesting.
Partly because you know the ones who are writing it.
Some of them I find, very fascinating.
The people I mean, and their thoughts.

How is it that some people just appear to be more intriguing than others.
In a way that you just want to find out more and more about them.
Why is that? Why are you drawn to them?

I constantly find myself asking "Why?"
I wish I could stop.
Then again, I wish on a lot of things.

Like how I wish I could fly.
Well not alone. With someone. Someone I cared about.
Just fly away into another life.
Sounds so liberating, and free.
Mmm. Peaceful.

It's odd. The feeling of wishing that you were someone else is so common isn't it.
But then it doesn't seem viable.
It Never happens. Because in the end you'll still be You.

I don't think I was made to write. Never was.
I wish I was. But I'm just not.
Should I stop trying to be something that I'm not then.
Probably.

***

I think I'd die without banana leaf rice, chicken rice, nasi lemak, dim sum, beef/pork ball noodles, char kuey teow and kangkung belacan (just to name a few). Haha. All those carbs. I reckon I'm a carb addict. Which is a very bad thing. I wish I was a health food freak sometimes.

At this very moment.

Currently listening to: Pjanoo by Eric Prydz

I don't like this feeling very much.

It feels foreign but strangely familiar.

Listening to this makes me forget about my worries and doubts.

But it won't last very long. 

4 minutes to be percise.

Heck, I don't even know what I'm stressing about.

Nothing feels right.

I feel like I'm sinking back down.

And I need someone, something to hold on to.

Yet, nothing in sight.

You know how they say it's better to not know what's coming?

Well now feels like the right time to, know.

I'd like to know when this nagging feeling that everything is wrong will end.

Please and thank you.

Before I snap and do something stupid.

(No, I am not suicidal so don't worry.)

I'm Back

And that was half a year ago.

Hard to believe sometimes.

Well well, I've attempted to blog again.

Let's recap (half) the year shall we?

- I graduated from college.

- Had some great holidays.

- Met a lot of new people.

- Lost one or two relationships (give or take).

- Gained weight (definitely, you can tell by the pictures).

- Started an online blog shop.

- Landed a new job, quite awesome that one.

I really didn't think that was such a bad year..

At least when you have it on paper, you actually see that you did things this year.

That one year didn't just fly by and you've accomplished nothing.

So I'm supposed to feel contented.. right..?

I think since I have some time off before uni, I should do some like I dunno, soul searching.

That's what they call it don't they.

Yeah. I think it'll be good for me.

Now if someone can just tell me where to start.

The Dreamer I Used To Be

Currently listening to: If I Had Eyes by Jack Johnson


Have you ever had a dream that felt so real you woke up in joy or in sadness?

Smiling or frowning?

Laughing or crying?

Feeling as though you were on top of the world and that you can do possibly do anything or horribly stuck at the bottom of the lowest pit you could ever find yourself in?

Good for you if your answer was either/or, both.

Because its these little, strange, peculiar and mysterious things that makes life all the more interesting and worth living.

Those who repeatedly tell themselves, "Life sucks."
You obviously don't know what you're missing out on.
And thats a real pity.


p.s. Sorry I lost track of the little things.

Mixed Up

I've got pictures to post up actually. But that can wait I suppose.

Ally just got her blog up and running again. Visit it if you haven't. Her link's at my sidebar.
Her first few posts were rather personal I would say.

I almost forgot how I used to blog. All words and no pictures.
Seemed like ages ago. It does feel slightly different. But not much though.
Reading her posts just reminded me of how it used to be.

And well, in the end, we all grow up. Whether we like it or not.
We grow into different people.
In a broader sense we are still who we are, just evolved.

I hate to think of a future where I'm no longer in contact with some of my closest friends now.
It just feels impossible somehow.
Like Ally says, appreciate the things you have or the people around you while you still can.

---

I wonder if its considered a good thing when you're used to being alone.
Everything has its pros and cons of course.
But thats why there's a scale to determine the answer.

---

Apparently there's a saying that the number 9 is an unlucky number.
If you have it in your age (I'm 19 this year), it'll be one of the hardest years to get through.
So I won't lie and say that its been easy so far.
Compared to last year. Last year was good for the most part.
I've never been one to be superstitious but its probably just another myth.

---

I was driving in the rain on my own today.
A familiar feeling.
A feeling I haven't felt in a while.
It was good and bad.
I felt calm and was able to think.
At the same time, I never felt more lonely than I have in a long time.

Oh I remember what I used to tell myself.
"The only time wasted is the time spent thinking you're alone."
But hey, you can't control what you feel can you?

---

Rachel, Ally, Sang, Joe,

iloveyouall.

Thinkthinkthink. And Now My Head Hurts.

Current mood: Stressed, Tired, Drained, Not Happy.


I've been thinking way way way too much these past few days.
It hasn't been doing me any favours except give me headaches.

Firstly, I've recently started on my Fashion Marketing Project I.
I won't bother explaining what its about and telling you all the long details. (Ask me if you want.) But my point here is that its hard.

They say conceptualizing is often the hardest part of a project.
I couldn't agree more. Sigh.
A lot of hard work to be anticipated to make everything work.

God, I hate having to juggle between personal issues and school/work issues.

All I can do is hope and pray that everything will turn out well in the end.

Also, I wanna say something to those who have gone overseas to study.
You know who you are.
Some went a few years back, Some last year and Some this year.

I've been thinking and just want to apologize if I haven't made enough of an effort to keep in touch.
I really didn't mean for it to turn out that way.
I always say that we'll talk loads and stuff but somehow I don't always follow through and I'm sorry for that.
In spite of all that, you guys really do matter a lot to me.
Anyway, I hope all of you are doing well and coping.
I miss you all so much. Really. =)

But its the same for some of the people here whom I don't see often.
We have MSN and Facebook which makes everything even easier, but I still act the same way.

Its odd now that I think about it.
Because I used to make an effort.
I really did.
But now, I think I stopped.
And I have no idea why.

I hope its not because I stopped caring.
If it is, then I guess its true.
People do evolve.
They don't change. They just evolve.
Ah the irony of life.

Hope this makes you stop to think about... Well, anything you want.
People forget to think sometimes. Hehe.

"People is what matters." - Meredith Grey